i don't know.

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
we have lesser lessons

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
cos we got alot more readings to do

smint | umm says:
haha ya lor its so much readings

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
yar

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
it DROWNS us lor

smint | umm says:
yes exactly

smint | umm says:
a tampines bush fire wont be able to burn them all

i think im screwing up badly.

as if i didnt know it.
but i am just trying to pretend
because it's just me (to do so)
i pick up the pace
than slow down
cos i feel better when everything blurs around me
finally engulfing me in a situation that dangles on a thread
i feel really scared


i was reading my post on the G-man once more. A few times in fact. It makes me feel somewhat better. I feel like I finally know what my stand is on this whole thing. Although there's no real conclusion, I find alot of comfort in the fact that i'm not pretending i know anything at all.

so buddhist huh.

that's why i like buddhism.. I was reading about it when i was in thailand, (Okayy. I always pick up the religious book when im in the hotel room to just learn a bit though how propogandic it is) and i liked how they reminded people that no one can preach unless they attained enlightenment (I took that as a sign of afterlife). So even their monks are not allowed to preach because they are actually still in the midst of walking to the path of enlightenment. I like that. It's like, once you start preaching, you have to live up to a certain sth, which is incredibly difficult when everything that you do is interpreted differently at different points of your lives depending on what happens and it can be surprisingly compromising. Leaving yourself pretty much alone with beliefs all battered up left right centre. And the worst is when you have 'pride'. Gawd, it's so devastating to believe in anything too much because it ends up really disappointing.

there i go.. talking about everything but what's really bothering me.

i hate it when im wrong.

Low Tech Fixes for High Tech Gadgets

Check out that page, especially if you have butter fingers:

Cellphone in the Toilet

It could happen to anyone: you dropped your cellphone in the toilet. Take the battery out immediately, to prevent electrical short circuits from frying your phone’s fragile internals. Then, wipe the phone gently with a towel, and shove it into a jar full of uncooked rice. It works for the same reason you may keep few grains of rice in your salt shaker to keep the salt dry. Rice has a high chemical affinity for water — that means the molecules in the rice have a nearly magnetic attraction for water molecules, which will be soaked up into the rice rather than beading up inside the phone. It is a low-tech version of the “Do Not Eat” desiccant packets that may have been packed in the box the phone came in, to keep moisture away from the circuitry during shipping and storage.

(it's disgusting. But if it works then yess saved you a big bunch. But PLEASE don't just throw your phone that made a trip into the toilet bowl into your rice bin, I will never ever eat at your place.)

Labels: low tech fixes for high-tech gadgets, useful tips

do not continue reading if you are christian and is close-minded. I do not want you to hate me.

I was reading Jian's blog. And then i went to shower, thinking hard about the G-man. I'm thinking about how Jian takes things so calmly, and how he's optimistic about stuff. How he's blog is just nothing but peaceful happy hopeful thoughts. Possibly because he has the G-man.

Then I started thinking if I was really such a selfish, self-obsessed witch. I tried to rathionalise and put myself in a better light by thinking that I am possibly so emo on my blog really because I'm such a selfless person in real-life. Hence, u know, the whole ying and yang balance. If I wasn't selfish on my blog then I would probably implode and become a Sabrina-black-hole. haha. whatever crap.

Then I think to myself, why would he be so thankful about the G-man looking after him, because that would be utterly selfish. Why doesn't he question why the G-man isn't looking after his fellow people. Why did he even think that it's all about him?! Like stuff were going well for him because the G-man was specifically looking after him!!

Then I started thinking about the G-man himself. Truth be told, I have to say I believe he exists. Maybe it's just me, being all human, feeling insecured and unwhole if i had to believe that he was not real. Like, it's just this need to feel connected to this world with a sense of purpose when life is so unmistakably transient. When we all are so concerned about the little dwaddles of life, all we need is something big to hold on to. Something bigger than ourselves. Something that makes me feel that I'm not alone no matter how nobody understands me. Something perfect and never be wrong. Someone who promises to never stop loving.

But then, the whole G-man business becomes a real suspect. When I start to read more about it, the more I learn about it, the more I feel like I have to question the meaning of it all. (Anyhoo, if he was real, he wouldn't want me to love him without understanding him right?) Like, why would a father condemn the children he 'loves' into hell for a mistake he made?! Mistake being that he gave us freewill, and to choice between the devil or him. Then, the classic question arises. What about people who have never heard of him? Do they go to hell too? Well, then thankgdness he made us smart enough to build ships to evangelise and then created internet so that we can easily spread the word to the small percentage of people who have access to internet and clean water and a decent education. In the first place, I really feel it's so unfair.

It's hard to believe he exists when I think of it so objectively. But obviously when I'm down and out, i will pray. It used to consist alot of pinky-hooking. Nowadays, I will pray for peace of mind, peace of heart, strength and courage. and then add in world-peace for good measure. It ends up more like a meditation anyway because im so messed up.

Maybe a good prayer for world peace (lest he isn't sure what to do because world peace is like an impossible ideal on it's own) should consist of enlightening, opportunity, understanding, empathy, joyful outlook and patience for all those who are so self-involved.

Blind faith and taking a big leap may be easiest way out. But i don't think it's what he wants. I told him that I'd stop badmouthing him behind his back, but there i went again. haha. see how the fuck do i recouncile what i want to believe and what i really believe in.

Thinking from a mo-perspective. G-man pheonomenal is like having a crush on this really cute eyecandy. The eye-candy is extremely perfect because you never spoke to him and never got to know him personally at all. We like to imagine up situations and conversations where he is endlessly perfect and caring. But really, enough experience tells me that everything is only perfect in your head.

sooo.. i've been meaning to blog since a week ago. I would have loads of stuff I want to say in my head, and this is my only outlet that lets me be vague and ambiguous about my non-problems.

I really feel quite unsettled about how unhappy I am feeling right now. Like, I myself can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong and what i'm feeling. Then... obviously I try to analyse myself with all the psychological concepts, but still nothing fits.

It's just so annoying. It makes me feel the need to be destructive in order to get it all out. It's like MCR all over again, except now i want to listen to KT tunstall.

Maybe i'll just turn vegetarian and it'd solve my problems.

bah.

at least you won't wander aimlessly.

Hey, so i decided to stop taking emo crack and be HAPPY. So here's big reasons to be happy and not whine so annoyingly:

a.) awesome boyfriend who loves me
b.) awesome parents who loves me.
c.) awesome grandma + cousins + aunts from both sides who loves me
d.) im not bad looking
e.) im in NUS, studying psychology, something i've always wanted to do since I was in secondary school
f.) im involved in film. heavily. although i'm not doing productions, it would be my dream. And to fulfill my dream is to help others first. and one day i'd be helped too.
g.) i have a really big room compared to most people
h.) my english is really quite good
i.) I have internet albeit a little unreliable at times
j.) i have friends that will help me
k.) i DO have friends. people who are actually looking out for me most of the time even though I do not always talk to them
l.) they care for me alot more than i realise.
m.) i have an ipod touch. which is really one of the gadgets that you must have.
n.) i am living in singapore, safe, clean, green,
o.) i have a nice singing voice although it doesn't really mean that i can sing
p.) i can play the guitar
q.) i have nice clothes
r.) i have nice shoes
s.) i have nice teeth
t.) i have nice earrings and necklaces and nice underwear
u.) my life is pretty shielded. with everything i really need being provided for.
v.) I got an electric guitar
w.) I got a DSLR
x.) I got several expensive sunglasses (some handmedowns)
y.) I have nice bags
z.) I have mac laptop

IM SO LUCKY RIGHT. i'm just this retarded spoilt person who will never be happy until i own everything in the world. i expend all my cognitive processes on unimportant things. regretting things i done, regrettings things i have not done. and it just screws up my senses and I do not see the things I already have.

It's so easy to be blinded by all the glitter on the other pastures. It's deceiving to think that they may be completely happy because they're problems are just not apparent.

I just nid to learn to love myself for who i am and what i've done. Only one life. Why the hell waste half of it emo-ing it away.

=======================================================

Is it just an attribute of me to be so long-suffering (for no good reason)
or is something really bothering me? I don't even know. Maybe, I'm just too sensitive and easily affected by the people I care/sometimes not care for.

i find myself spreading my arms
trying to walk straight as the world around me
refuses to stop spinning
like a top, an euphoria
it sits heavily on my chest
disallowing the slightest wisp of air
when it feels difficult my eyes start to close
i lay down
pricked by a bed of roses
i laugh through the tears
a lovely creation
brains and institutions
masking all these despair
stupid, she holds my hand as she says
lady, stop turning in circles in a house made of cards
you might mess it and you can't clean up.

i was an ice-cube instead of an amorphous cloud.

cool and focused = win

IM SO FREAKING TIRED. im just running on like this spare energy in me that runs on my craziness. So basically, I will laugh at anything. And then become really depressed. All in a minute apart.

But right now i gotta do summaries for this journal article. EXCITING HUH.

Debs asked me if i wanted to club tmr. I WANNA GO HAVE SOME FARNS. but im so tired i dont really think i wanna do that. im such an old woman already. how awesome.

i just want 42 below kiwi now. like the whole bottle. i'll drink it all up.

Feeling really hungry right now. Terrible. I've been really hungry a lot recently.

A little exhausted too.

Sometimes now I feel like I'm just ready to collapse in school.

Anyway to share, I really like beyonce's latest album. Songs like halo and if I were a boy. Other than that there is britney's circus and womanizer. I became so pop!

Can't wait for scriptwriting tmrw. I was watchin a short film called synapse on YouTube and I really like it. I hope to ne able to do something similar. I understand fully how my thoughts never really fully translate well. Does it take talent to be able to do something so nicely. Anyhow, I really like the comm now. They really make me smile. Hope I ain't saying it too soon. I'm jinxed that way. Sigh.

why do the people who claim they love me always stop me from doing the things i want.

i don't know.

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
we have lesser lessons

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
cos we got alot more readings to do

smint | umm says:
haha ya lor its so much readings

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
yar

doesnt like pple who think arts pple got nth to do says:
it DROWNS us lor

smint | umm says:
yes exactly

smint | umm says:
a tampines bush fire wont be able to burn them all

i think im screwing up badly.

as if i didnt know it.
but i am just trying to pretend
because it's just me (to do so)
i pick up the pace
than slow down
cos i feel better when everything blurs around me
finally engulfing me in a situation that dangles on a thread
i feel really scared


i was reading my post on the G-man once more. A few times in fact. It makes me feel somewhat better. I feel like I finally know what my stand is on this whole thing. Although there's no real conclusion, I find alot of comfort in the fact that i'm not pretending i know anything at all.

so buddhist huh.

that's why i like buddhism.. I was reading about it when i was in thailand, (Okayy. I always pick up the religious book when im in the hotel room to just learn a bit though how propogandic it is) and i liked how they reminded people that no one can preach unless they attained enlightenment (I took that as a sign of afterlife). So even their monks are not allowed to preach because they are actually still in the midst of walking to the path of enlightenment. I like that. It's like, once you start preaching, you have to live up to a certain sth, which is incredibly difficult when everything that you do is interpreted differently at different points of your lives depending on what happens and it can be surprisingly compromising. Leaving yourself pretty much alone with beliefs all battered up left right centre. And the worst is when you have 'pride'. Gawd, it's so devastating to believe in anything too much because it ends up really disappointing.

there i go.. talking about everything but what's really bothering me.

i hate it when im wrong.

Low Tech Fixes for High Tech Gadgets

Check out that page, especially if you have butter fingers:

Cellphone in the Toilet

It could happen to anyone: you dropped your cellphone in the toilet. Take the battery out immediately, to prevent electrical short circuits from frying your phone’s fragile internals. Then, wipe the phone gently with a towel, and shove it into a jar full of uncooked rice. It works for the same reason you may keep few grains of rice in your salt shaker to keep the salt dry. Rice has a high chemical affinity for water — that means the molecules in the rice have a nearly magnetic attraction for water molecules, which will be soaked up into the rice rather than beading up inside the phone. It is a low-tech version of the “Do Not Eat” desiccant packets that may have been packed in the box the phone came in, to keep moisture away from the circuitry during shipping and storage.

(it's disgusting. But if it works then yess saved you a big bunch. But PLEASE don't just throw your phone that made a trip into the toilet bowl into your rice bin, I will never ever eat at your place.)

Labels: low tech fixes for high-tech gadgets, useful tips

do not continue reading if you are christian and is close-minded. I do not want you to hate me.

I was reading Jian's blog. And then i went to shower, thinking hard about the G-man. I'm thinking about how Jian takes things so calmly, and how he's optimistic about stuff. How he's blog is just nothing but peaceful happy hopeful thoughts. Possibly because he has the G-man.

Then I started thinking if I was really such a selfish, self-obsessed witch. I tried to rathionalise and put myself in a better light by thinking that I am possibly so emo on my blog really because I'm such a selfless person in real-life. Hence, u know, the whole ying and yang balance. If I wasn't selfish on my blog then I would probably implode and become a Sabrina-black-hole. haha. whatever crap.

Then I think to myself, why would he be so thankful about the G-man looking after him, because that would be utterly selfish. Why doesn't he question why the G-man isn't looking after his fellow people. Why did he even think that it's all about him?! Like stuff were going well for him because the G-man was specifically looking after him!!

Then I started thinking about the G-man himself. Truth be told, I have to say I believe he exists. Maybe it's just me, being all human, feeling insecured and unwhole if i had to believe that he was not real. Like, it's just this need to feel connected to this world with a sense of purpose when life is so unmistakably transient. When we all are so concerned about the little dwaddles of life, all we need is something big to hold on to. Something bigger than ourselves. Something that makes me feel that I'm not alone no matter how nobody understands me. Something perfect and never be wrong. Someone who promises to never stop loving.

But then, the whole G-man business becomes a real suspect. When I start to read more about it, the more I learn about it, the more I feel like I have to question the meaning of it all. (Anyhoo, if he was real, he wouldn't want me to love him without understanding him right?) Like, why would a father condemn the children he 'loves' into hell for a mistake he made?! Mistake being that he gave us freewill, and to choice between the devil or him. Then, the classic question arises. What about people who have never heard of him? Do they go to hell too? Well, then thankgdness he made us smart enough to build ships to evangelise and then created internet so that we can easily spread the word to the small percentage of people who have access to internet and clean water and a decent education. In the first place, I really feel it's so unfair.

It's hard to believe he exists when I think of it so objectively. But obviously when I'm down and out, i will pray. It used to consist alot of pinky-hooking. Nowadays, I will pray for peace of mind, peace of heart, strength and courage. and then add in world-peace for good measure. It ends up more like a meditation anyway because im so messed up.

Maybe a good prayer for world peace (lest he isn't sure what to do because world peace is like an impossible ideal on it's own) should consist of enlightening, opportunity, understanding, empathy, joyful outlook and patience for all those who are so self-involved.

Blind faith and taking a big leap may be easiest way out. But i don't think it's what he wants. I told him that I'd stop badmouthing him behind his back, but there i went again. haha. see how the fuck do i recouncile what i want to believe and what i really believe in.

Thinking from a mo-perspective. G-man pheonomenal is like having a crush on this really cute eyecandy. The eye-candy is extremely perfect because you never spoke to him and never got to know him personally at all. We like to imagine up situations and conversations where he is endlessly perfect and caring. But really, enough experience tells me that everything is only perfect in your head.

sooo.. i've been meaning to blog since a week ago. I would have loads of stuff I want to say in my head, and this is my only outlet that lets me be vague and ambiguous about my non-problems.

I really feel quite unsettled about how unhappy I am feeling right now. Like, I myself can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong and what i'm feeling. Then... obviously I try to analyse myself with all the psychological concepts, but still nothing fits.

It's just so annoying. It makes me feel the need to be destructive in order to get it all out. It's like MCR all over again, except now i want to listen to KT tunstall.

Maybe i'll just turn vegetarian and it'd solve my problems.

bah.

at least you won't wander aimlessly.

Hey, so i decided to stop taking emo crack and be HAPPY. So here's big reasons to be happy and not whine so annoyingly:

a.) awesome boyfriend who loves me
b.) awesome parents who loves me.
c.) awesome grandma + cousins + aunts from both sides who loves me
d.) im not bad looking
e.) im in NUS, studying psychology, something i've always wanted to do since I was in secondary school
f.) im involved in film. heavily. although i'm not doing productions, it would be my dream. And to fulfill my dream is to help others first. and one day i'd be helped too.
g.) i have a really big room compared to most people
h.) my english is really quite good
i.) I have internet albeit a little unreliable at times
j.) i have friends that will help me
k.) i DO have friends. people who are actually looking out for me most of the time even though I do not always talk to them
l.) they care for me alot more than i realise.
m.) i have an ipod touch. which is really one of the gadgets that you must have.
n.) i am living in singapore, safe, clean, green,
o.) i have a nice singing voice although it doesn't really mean that i can sing
p.) i can play the guitar
q.) i have nice clothes
r.) i have nice shoes
s.) i have nice teeth
t.) i have nice earrings and necklaces and nice underwear
u.) my life is pretty shielded. with everything i really need being provided for.
v.) I got an electric guitar
w.) I got a DSLR
x.) I got several expensive sunglasses (some handmedowns)
y.) I have nice bags
z.) I have mac laptop

IM SO LUCKY RIGHT. i'm just this retarded spoilt person who will never be happy until i own everything in the world. i expend all my cognitive processes on unimportant things. regretting things i done, regrettings things i have not done. and it just screws up my senses and I do not see the things I already have.

It's so easy to be blinded by all the glitter on the other pastures. It's deceiving to think that they may be completely happy because they're problems are just not apparent.

I just nid to learn to love myself for who i am and what i've done. Only one life. Why the hell waste half of it emo-ing it away.

=======================================================

Is it just an attribute of me to be so long-suffering (for no good reason)
or is something really bothering me? I don't even know. Maybe, I'm just too sensitive and easily affected by the people I care/sometimes not care for.

i find myself spreading my arms
trying to walk straight as the world around me
refuses to stop spinning
like a top, an euphoria
it sits heavily on my chest
disallowing the slightest wisp of air
when it feels difficult my eyes start to close
i lay down
pricked by a bed of roses
i laugh through the tears
a lovely creation
brains and institutions
masking all these despair
stupid, she holds my hand as she says
lady, stop turning in circles in a house made of cards
you might mess it and you can't clean up.

i was an ice-cube instead of an amorphous cloud.

cool and focused = win

IM SO FREAKING TIRED. im just running on like this spare energy in me that runs on my craziness. So basically, I will laugh at anything. And then become really depressed. All in a minute apart.

But right now i gotta do summaries for this journal article. EXCITING HUH.

Debs asked me if i wanted to club tmr. I WANNA GO HAVE SOME FARNS. but im so tired i dont really think i wanna do that. im such an old woman already. how awesome.

i just want 42 below kiwi now. like the whole bottle. i'll drink it all up.

Feeling really hungry right now. Terrible. I've been really hungry a lot recently.

A little exhausted too.

Sometimes now I feel like I'm just ready to collapse in school.

Anyway to share, I really like beyonce's latest album. Songs like halo and if I were a boy. Other than that there is britney's circus and womanizer. I became so pop!

Can't wait for scriptwriting tmrw. I was watchin a short film called synapse on YouTube and I really like it. I hope to ne able to do something similar. I understand fully how my thoughts never really fully translate well. Does it take talent to be able to do something so nicely. Anyhow, I really like the comm now. They really make me smile. Hope I ain't saying it too soon. I'm jinxed that way. Sigh.

why do the people who claim they love me always stop me from doing the things i want.