when you care too much for a person, you want to change a person. but that is plain impossible. that's what my dad said this morning when he saw that i was so upset with my cousin. and him saying that made feel sadder still because I can't believe that was the stem of all my troubles and I never thought of it before.

and it sorta connected with what i learnt about anger from my emo class. anger and aggression is good for maintaining relationships because it tells people what your limits are, and hence facilitate better relationships in the future.

i'm angry and coldwarring with that girl because i feel upset that she can be so ungrateful. but she doesn't understand. which makes her a stupid girl. and i feel so upset because i treat her like my sister, but she obviously doesn't feel the same way towards me. i'm hurt. i'm fucking hurt by what she's done for the past few weeks. and i've enough of it. she's just my distant australian stupid cousin from now on.

and it's funny now i think about how i've been so upset with duds for a whole year. and i realise that it's only because i was trying to change him as well. and if i can't change him for one whole year, i doubt i can change my cousin in a few days. and i guess the same goes for my friends who have boyfriend troubles. the problem was so plainly-in-your-face. i just can't believe we didn't realise it. it's just this unrealistic optimism that someday people will change.

i'm not sure what this all really implicates with this new understanding of mine. does it mean that i'm too controlling? and i shld relax a little? or does it mean that i shld just take r/s that don't work more lightly and not get too affected by it? well, then won't my life just be filled with superficial relationships. well, isn't only r/s suppose to work if compromises are to be made? so in this case, what kinda compromise will i make?

okay, anyway things aside - since shes out of sight, then it's out of mind.

it's weird that this year i'm back that my older cousin is married. he is like only 2 years older than me. and his bride is 21 too. omg. :\ well, okay the plus point abt marrying young and having kids young is that you will have lesser of an age gap with ur kid, and probably more energy to care for them, and the plus plus point is that if you don't macdees and smoke and drink, you might even live to see your great grandchildren. sounds like a damn awesome idea. but there's so much more things i wanna do before i wanna have kids and tell them stories of things that i've done. and u know, know more about the world so that i can better teach them? i guess i really need to get the hang of multi-tasking. it's possible to have a kid and be in uni right? haha. damnit. this sucks.

okay change topic, now i'm thinking about my damn good friend who is smitten by this girl he doesn't know. ha. why does this always happen. okay enough of changing topics. it's xmas day. i shld get out and see what there is for moi to do. maybe sit downstairs with the dogs.

and dud's so damn lucky he's in bkk already. im damn jealous.... :(

OKAY MERRY XMAS EVERYONE. I LOVE ALL OF YOU BUT ONE. :) IM SUCH A PETTY BITCH. HA. ah well, it's christmas, forgive me. :)

- edited: because she's my cousin afterall. i can hate her but shes still 'family'. bah.

when you care too much for a person, you want to change a person. but that is plain impossible. that's what my dad said this morning when he saw that i was so upset with my cousin. and him saying that made feel sadder still because I can't believe that was the stem of all my troubles and I never thought of it before.

and it sorta connected with what i learnt about anger from my emo class. anger and aggression is good for maintaining relationships because it tells people what your limits are, and hence facilitate better relationships in the future.

i'm angry and coldwarring with that girl because i feel upset that she can be so ungrateful. but she doesn't understand. which makes her a stupid girl. and i feel so upset because i treat her like my sister, but she obviously doesn't feel the same way towards me. i'm hurt. i'm fucking hurt by what she's done for the past few weeks. and i've enough of it. she's just my distant australian stupid cousin from now on.

and it's funny now i think about how i've been so upset with duds for a whole year. and i realise that it's only because i was trying to change him as well. and if i can't change him for one whole year, i doubt i can change my cousin in a few days. and i guess the same goes for my friends who have boyfriend troubles. the problem was so plainly-in-your-face. i just can't believe we didn't realise it. it's just this unrealistic optimism that someday people will change.

i'm not sure what this all really implicates with this new understanding of mine. does it mean that i'm too controlling? and i shld relax a little? or does it mean that i shld just take r/s that don't work more lightly and not get too affected by it? well, then won't my life just be filled with superficial relationships. well, isn't only r/s suppose to work if compromises are to be made? so in this case, what kinda compromise will i make?

okay, anyway things aside - since shes out of sight, then it's out of mind.

it's weird that this year i'm back that my older cousin is married. he is like only 2 years older than me. and his bride is 21 too. omg. :\ well, okay the plus point abt marrying young and having kids young is that you will have lesser of an age gap with ur kid, and probably more energy to care for them, and the plus plus point is that if you don't macdees and smoke and drink, you might even live to see your great grandchildren. sounds like a damn awesome idea. but there's so much more things i wanna do before i wanna have kids and tell them stories of things that i've done. and u know, know more about the world so that i can better teach them? i guess i really need to get the hang of multi-tasking. it's possible to have a kid and be in uni right? haha. damnit. this sucks.

okay change topic, now i'm thinking about my damn good friend who is smitten by this girl he doesn't know. ha. why does this always happen. okay enough of changing topics. it's xmas day. i shld get out and see what there is for moi to do. maybe sit downstairs with the dogs.

and dud's so damn lucky he's in bkk already. im damn jealous.... :(

OKAY MERRY XMAS EVERYONE. I LOVE ALL OF YOU BUT ONE. :) IM SUCH A PETTY BITCH. HA. ah well, it's christmas, forgive me. :)

- edited: because she's my cousin afterall. i can hate her but shes still 'family'. bah.