I have decided from now on, I shall try to blog consistently and write happy thoughts in it. Yes, i know that I said the same thing before. But no, i shall really do it this time. Today i shall start by saying nice things that happened today. All in an attempt to save the evanescent sanity. I think that I really do not do enough for myself. I do not remind myself enough of the pleasant things that's happening, and then when I really feel upset I spiral out of control. So no, i should really get into a habit of knowing better than letting me do this to myself.

Anywayyy, so this morning i woke up without a headache! haha. although i did have this nightmare. But then again, im quite used to having nightmares. hahaha. okay, then anyway, i felt quite right to study. But that did not happen. I ended up online youtubing kittens and cats =) and then dot from madtv. Then sweetie was in school cos he stayed overnight. So he was online early in the morning. So i was chatting with him. =) Happy still then. And then he said he would come over and he'd drive us out for lunch.

So he came, we went to takashimaya. Then he ate mos burger and we sat on those really nice high seats. =) i love those.. I didn't get anything because I wasn't hungry cos he bought me bread the night before. So i ate them in the morning for breakfast. Well, then i decided i needed to pee so i went off to the ladies AND I SAW MY AUNT!! =)) i missed her like crazy cos i have been a bad girl and haven't been to my grandma's place for eons. =( I called my grandma up a few days before. She doesnt sound like she misses me but arrrr, i should really know better than to sulk. I really do miss them. But i'm have decided that i shall camp at my grandma's place when the 'summer' begins! Anyhow, I was so estactic that i was jumping when i saw my aunt.

Oh i was wearing this top my mother actually gave to my bear. It's this damn nice miss selfridge tank top AND SHE WAS GIVING IT TO MY BEAR? She gave my bear two shirts. so yeah i took the nicer one. HAHA. so i was wearing it today because i finally have the right bra to wear it! haha. i know this is so random but yes, the right bra is so impt. i think girls are gonna agree with me on this.

Anyway, i was really feeling quite zoned out because i am so used to the peace and quiet i have had at home that when i was in taka? i felt like i was floating there. I could not focus and i was feeling my way through a dream. So there i was floating here and there till we finally reached mos burger and i could sit down. And this this baby cried (or i felt that it was really shrieking) I felt even worse, like as if my head grew heavier and my heart felt like it was going to wrench itself and my body was going to shut off. i was so pissed at the baby that in my heart i wanted to throw the cup of tea towards their direction. Instead of doing that, i decided to talk to dudley about how I felt so easily aggravated these days. But he was zoning out too so i didnt think he heard. I really attribute my growing aggression to CS. I was learning in Violence in Gaming in new media and i felt that the GAM really put my thoughts into nice diagrams.

Okay, that was really random too.

So after meeting my aunt i felt i really woke up, otherwise i would really be floating around taka. But then after that i went back to ground zero and felt damn sian again because i miss my grandma and aunt and i feel bad for not seeing them in ages. I guess i'm having pre-exam depression..

Ah well, then we went to kinokuniya. I bought the vivi mag (finally) and a comic book for dudley. And then i saw this really nice big book of make up and i really wanted it. But it costs like 50 dollars. And i felt like this isnt the best time to distract myself. I thought that my mom would reimburse me for the vivi mag (ITS 16 DOLLARS) but she didnt. And i figured that it's okay. She pays for my cab fares to school and back anyway. And im not good at asking people for money. haha. gawd i nid to have a thicker skin. But anyway, i flipped through and i really want so much things!

=(

Welll, what else.

I ate salad for dinner. (unawesome man, i only ate two bread in the morning, miso soup when i got back home cos my mom cooked some this morning for me to eat anytime in the day, and then salad at night?? =(( I FEEL DAMN CHEATED TODAY) But it was nice, i added cheese and it was unexpectedly good. Then i thought of the cows and how they are treated and then i felt really bad. I should really do something about my vegan thing. I will. slowly.

Anyway, i am quite vegetarian today then i suppose. I can't think of anything i ate with meat. Oh yeah i did, i stole a bite from dudley's mos burger. haha.


So what does momo wanna do this summer holidays

- feel like giving up all my projects. haha. okay sorry. preexam stress. feel like throwing my life away just to make sure i get this exam right. Though i am really not doing it.
- i wanna exercise. =\ embarrasing. but i want to secretly train jogging so that someday i can run with my dad in some like erm milk run or sth. (secretly i wanna run that crazy standard chartered with him but i know it's so impossible, i can't even run to botanic gardens without feeling my insides trying to get out)
- i wanna cycle all the coolio bicycle tracks! i read about them in my singapore thingy studies last sem. and i thought it was such an awesome idea!! Like did you know that there are bicycle tracks in the parks (duh) and they have this really cool linking thing that links all the parks together. OMG HOW COOL. i wanna cycle it all!!
- buy a vegan or vegetarian cook book and start learning how to be one. I know that i will miss meat. I will eat a little meat i promise. Like maybe be a 90% vege. Erm, all of u shld check out peta someday. to find out why i wanna give up meat.
- film. i really really hope to learn something this summer. I feel like i've been in nustudios so long and i dont think i learnt a thing out of it. I guess i have this mentality that im here to be taught. that's why im not learning anything =( well, i will be helping out in bits here and there for two productions, and maybe for sean's one. then hopefully i can write out a script for december to film.
- nustudios camp. yes. i know that so far it's been really slow and i think the seniors are uneasy about how i am handling it. I really hope that i am heading the right direction in terms of work that have to be done so far. i really want this camp to be the chance for this group of people to form a team to do productions as this group for any future stuff. I think that will be useful. i really want that too. i know that it's impt. im taking a leaf outta nufive thing. This camp will be their first production as a group. then i mean, we can keep giving them stuff to do. then we will have films to show too. so that's good isnt it.
-nuletter. big biggie. think it's super impt for nustudios people to have this regular newsletter to at least know that nustudios is actually alive. i know that feeling. other than having the weekly 'lessons' we dont know what nustudios is really up to. then again the forum does tell us that the nustudios people are looking for people for this and that. but yeah, there's usually no head or tail. so kinda figured that the nuletter will be predominantly what has happened, what is happening and what is happening next (ie if we are recruiting people for projects, apply now sorta thing, in a fixed form) okay. i know im mad that im so obssessed with proper structures. nustudios is really this flexible structure that is flat management (nearly), but i guess flexible is good if everybody is conscious of the group. and can be motivated and activated at a call, but if it is not possible then i guess it would seem much better if a somewhat answerable structure is in place first. a structure that reaches out to talk to them and discuss what is happening and then ask for feedback. furthermore, our forum is not active. haha. i was thinking about the NM1101 thing about how this really really old forum called .. gawd damnnit i forgot and i was reading it for fucking half a day yesterday. anw our forum should be like a community right. haha. like with at least social and intellectual leverage and hence commercial!
I guess it's really just easy to talk. But i guess we need more people in charge for this. I initially thought i could bring all these changes. but well, im so stupid. i couldnt possibly do any of it myself and everybody already has their job to do. furthermore, i dont have the technical knowledge and stuff. so my attitude now is really wait and see. maybe something is in place already that i dont know about. Maybe i just have to wait for the summer and maybe the forum would actually spark alife cos it is the holidays.
okayyy! i went to have a look at the forum again. I guess it's okay since there is some little movements here and there. it isnt exactly dead. it's just really used by exco and exexcos.
well i guess it could get better. i guess what it really needs is a bit of advertising too.
I GUESS I SHLD REALLY stop dropping stones on my own feet cos i think im in charge of publicity.
- nth else. damn it i blogged for one bloody hour.


there's much about nustudios i nid to think about. and i hope that i have people to talk to without feeling like i really shldn just be talking but doing something. but really, how do i feel like i have a right to do something. cos up till now i still feel like im a new member and i darnt touch territories of members that have been there longer. =\

i guess im too sensitive. and again, too thinskinned. i shall try to work something out this summer. maybe camp at my ahma hse and figure it all out. and think of scripts. and erm. run at queenstown stadium.

sigh..

gawd im in a not so good mood again. okay think good things.

tmr is a new day. i finally finish reading all the nm stuff. took me two three days. what the hell. why didnt i just start earlier. so little! =0

=)) and on the bad note, anthropology sucks honestly.

and inequality. havent started at all. not even the readings. damn nit.

and TS is like how difficult.

and South asian. i havent started either. so basically the only thing i finished is nm. im so dead =((

now u know why i damn stress.

and btw, i had a nice day today cos dudley drove here and drove us out for lunch. though i was so zoned out it was quite nice to finally get out. but i was so stressed abt work that i could hardly think.

everybody HAHA damn long post =)

tmr i shall type something shorter and as sweet =)

I have decided from now on, I shall try to blog consistently and write happy thoughts in it. Yes, i know that I said the same thing before. But no, i shall really do it this time. Today i shall start by saying nice things that happened today. All in an attempt to save the evanescent sanity. I think that I really do not do enough for myself. I do not remind myself enough of the pleasant things that's happening, and then when I really feel upset I spiral out of control. So no, i should really get into a habit of knowing better than letting me do this to myself.

Anywayyy, so this morning i woke up without a headache! haha. although i did have this nightmare. But then again, im quite used to having nightmares. hahaha. okay, then anyway, i felt quite right to study. But that did not happen. I ended up online youtubing kittens and cats =) and then dot from madtv. Then sweetie was in school cos he stayed overnight. So he was online early in the morning. So i was chatting with him. =) Happy still then. And then he said he would come over and he'd drive us out for lunch.

So he came, we went to takashimaya. Then he ate mos burger and we sat on those really nice high seats. =) i love those.. I didn't get anything because I wasn't hungry cos he bought me bread the night before. So i ate them in the morning for breakfast. Well, then i decided i needed to pee so i went off to the ladies AND I SAW MY AUNT!! =)) i missed her like crazy cos i have been a bad girl and haven't been to my grandma's place for eons. =( I called my grandma up a few days before. She doesnt sound like she misses me but arrrr, i should really know better than to sulk. I really do miss them. But i'm have decided that i shall camp at my grandma's place when the 'summer' begins! Anyhow, I was so estactic that i was jumping when i saw my aunt.

Oh i was wearing this top my mother actually gave to my bear. It's this damn nice miss selfridge tank top AND SHE WAS GIVING IT TO MY BEAR? She gave my bear two shirts. so yeah i took the nicer one. HAHA. so i was wearing it today because i finally have the right bra to wear it! haha. i know this is so random but yes, the right bra is so impt. i think girls are gonna agree with me on this.

Anyway, i was really feeling quite zoned out because i am so used to the peace and quiet i have had at home that when i was in taka? i felt like i was floating there. I could not focus and i was feeling my way through a dream. So there i was floating here and there till we finally reached mos burger and i could sit down. And this this baby cried (or i felt that it was really shrieking) I felt even worse, like as if my head grew heavier and my heart felt like it was going to wrench itself and my body was going to shut off. i was so pissed at the baby that in my heart i wanted to throw the cup of tea towards their direction. Instead of doing that, i decided to talk to dudley about how I felt so easily aggravated these days. But he was zoning out too so i didnt think he heard. I really attribute my growing aggression to CS. I was learning in Violence in Gaming in new media and i felt that the GAM really put my thoughts into nice diagrams.

Okay, that was really random too.

So after meeting my aunt i felt i really woke up, otherwise i would really be floating around taka. But then after that i went back to ground zero and felt damn sian again because i miss my grandma and aunt and i feel bad for not seeing them in ages. I guess i'm having pre-exam depression..

Ah well, then we went to kinokuniya. I bought the vivi mag (finally) and a comic book for dudley. And then i saw this really nice big book of make up and i really wanted it. But it costs like 50 dollars. And i felt like this isnt the best time to distract myself. I thought that my mom would reimburse me for the vivi mag (ITS 16 DOLLARS) but she didnt. And i figured that it's okay. She pays for my cab fares to school and back anyway. And im not good at asking people for money. haha. gawd i nid to have a thicker skin. But anyway, i flipped through and i really want so much things!

=(

Welll, what else.

I ate salad for dinner. (unawesome man, i only ate two bread in the morning, miso soup when i got back home cos my mom cooked some this morning for me to eat anytime in the day, and then salad at night?? =(( I FEEL DAMN CHEATED TODAY) But it was nice, i added cheese and it was unexpectedly good. Then i thought of the cows and how they are treated and then i felt really bad. I should really do something about my vegan thing. I will. slowly.

Anyway, i am quite vegetarian today then i suppose. I can't think of anything i ate with meat. Oh yeah i did, i stole a bite from dudley's mos burger. haha.


So what does momo wanna do this summer holidays

- feel like giving up all my projects. haha. okay sorry. preexam stress. feel like throwing my life away just to make sure i get this exam right. Though i am really not doing it.
- i wanna exercise. =\ embarrasing. but i want to secretly train jogging so that someday i can run with my dad in some like erm milk run or sth. (secretly i wanna run that crazy standard chartered with him but i know it's so impossible, i can't even run to botanic gardens without feeling my insides trying to get out)
- i wanna cycle all the coolio bicycle tracks! i read about them in my singapore thingy studies last sem. and i thought it was such an awesome idea!! Like did you know that there are bicycle tracks in the parks (duh) and they have this really cool linking thing that links all the parks together. OMG HOW COOL. i wanna cycle it all!!
- buy a vegan or vegetarian cook book and start learning how to be one. I know that i will miss meat. I will eat a little meat i promise. Like maybe be a 90% vege. Erm, all of u shld check out peta someday. to find out why i wanna give up meat.
- film. i really really hope to learn something this summer. I feel like i've been in nustudios so long and i dont think i learnt a thing out of it. I guess i have this mentality that im here to be taught. that's why im not learning anything =( well, i will be helping out in bits here and there for two productions, and maybe for sean's one. then hopefully i can write out a script for december to film.
- nustudios camp. yes. i know that so far it's been really slow and i think the seniors are uneasy about how i am handling it. I really hope that i am heading the right direction in terms of work that have to be done so far. i really want this camp to be the chance for this group of people to form a team to do productions as this group for any future stuff. I think that will be useful. i really want that too. i know that it's impt. im taking a leaf outta nufive thing. This camp will be their first production as a group. then i mean, we can keep giving them stuff to do. then we will have films to show too. so that's good isnt it.
-nuletter. big biggie. think it's super impt for nustudios people to have this regular newsletter to at least know that nustudios is actually alive. i know that feeling. other than having the weekly 'lessons' we dont know what nustudios is really up to. then again the forum does tell us that the nustudios people are looking for people for this and that. but yeah, there's usually no head or tail. so kinda figured that the nuletter will be predominantly what has happened, what is happening and what is happening next (ie if we are recruiting people for projects, apply now sorta thing, in a fixed form) okay. i know im mad that im so obssessed with proper structures. nustudios is really this flexible structure that is flat management (nearly), but i guess flexible is good if everybody is conscious of the group. and can be motivated and activated at a call, but if it is not possible then i guess it would seem much better if a somewhat answerable structure is in place first. a structure that reaches out to talk to them and discuss what is happening and then ask for feedback. furthermore, our forum is not active. haha. i was thinking about the NM1101 thing about how this really really old forum called .. gawd damnnit i forgot and i was reading it for fucking half a day yesterday. anw our forum should be like a community right. haha. like with at least social and intellectual leverage and hence commercial!
I guess it's really just easy to talk. But i guess we need more people in charge for this. I initially thought i could bring all these changes. but well, im so stupid. i couldnt possibly do any of it myself and everybody already has their job to do. furthermore, i dont have the technical knowledge and stuff. so my attitude now is really wait and see. maybe something is in place already that i dont know about. Maybe i just have to wait for the summer and maybe the forum would actually spark alife cos it is the holidays.
okayyy! i went to have a look at the forum again. I guess it's okay since there is some little movements here and there. it isnt exactly dead. it's just really used by exco and exexcos.
well i guess it could get better. i guess what it really needs is a bit of advertising too.
I GUESS I SHLD REALLY stop dropping stones on my own feet cos i think im in charge of publicity.
- nth else. damn it i blogged for one bloody hour.


there's much about nustudios i nid to think about. and i hope that i have people to talk to without feeling like i really shldn just be talking but doing something. but really, how do i feel like i have a right to do something. cos up till now i still feel like im a new member and i darnt touch territories of members that have been there longer. =\

i guess im too sensitive. and again, too thinskinned. i shall try to work something out this summer. maybe camp at my ahma hse and figure it all out. and think of scripts. and erm. run at queenstown stadium.

sigh..

gawd im in a not so good mood again. okay think good things.

tmr is a new day. i finally finish reading all the nm stuff. took me two three days. what the hell. why didnt i just start earlier. so little! =0

=)) and on the bad note, anthropology sucks honestly.

and inequality. havent started at all. not even the readings. damn nit.

and TS is like how difficult.

and South asian. i havent started either. so basically the only thing i finished is nm. im so dead =((

now u know why i damn stress.

and btw, i had a nice day today cos dudley drove here and drove us out for lunch. though i was so zoned out it was quite nice to finally get out. but i was so stressed abt work that i could hardly think.

everybody HAHA damn long post =)

tmr i shall type something shorter and as sweet =)